As someone who has participated in a lot of weddings, not just as a photographer but also as a bridesmaid, maid of honor and general do it all girl, i've seen the good, bad and UGLY of the relationships between the bride and bridal party. Here are a few first hand lessons for navigating those relationships.
#1 Choosing your Girls
When we get ready to celebrate this day the tendency is to ask anyone and everyone to be a bridesmaid. Just remember with more girls, come more personalities and opinions. You should also talk to you groom about how many guys he wants to include. Often your groom has a smaller number of guys in mind. Blood is thicker than water, and when it comes to your bridal party, sisters and sister-in-laws are an important bridesmaid to consider. Even though your relationship might not be super close at the moment, 30 years from now when you remember this day you'll most definitely wish your sister was there with you. Bringing in your grooms sister is also important to show him and his family that you accept them as your own. Overall consider your long term dynamic with the ladies, who is going to truly be a calming force during this stressful time, and who truly represents you and your groom.
#2 Flexible Planning
Many of us start planning this day when we are little girls, so by the time he proposes we have very specific ideas in mind. When planning it's important to be flexible too. Bring in general ideas or even create a
Pinterest board of ideas and trends you'd like to incorporate. Now take a breathe and trust your vendors and bridesmaids. Most vendors want to please you! I know that might shock a few of you but they really do!! Not only are you paying them, but you are a review that could make or break their business and a potential resource for referrals. Ask them "can you do this" or "do you have an idea similar." Wedding vendors are typically a very dedicated and talented group of people, who love what they do, so if you do your do diligence finding the good ones TRUST THEM! And trust your GIRLS. You bridesmaids want the best for you and are ready to do whatever you need. Remember though, while this event probably absorbs your every waking moment... they have lives too ;) Communicate your needs and the timing you need them in and then back off. Don't micromanage them, they are your friends and family, not your employees.
#3 Being a Good Bridesmaid
Here is the sticky part. Every bride has different expectations and needs of her girls. When you accept the job, you accept a lot of crazy. Let me say this again, a lot of CRAZY!! As I stated before every girl dreams of this day. Your job as a bridesmaid means doing everything within your own sanity to make it happen. That means wearing that color you think is atrocious, tying hundreds of ribbons to DIYed invitations and spending every free Saturday helping her plan. Now this doesn't mean you are suppose to be her punching bag, but if she needs you... you need to be there when possible. The wedding day is the most important example of this. Even if you are bored out of your mind watching other people's hair get curled, stay by her side. Also don't take it so personal! Very little of what goes on that day is about you... it's humbling to recognize that fact, but it will go a long way for helping her stress level. Remember the bride wants you there because you are important to her, so make her important to you!!
#4 Being Friends AFTER the Wedding
Make an effort before the big day to talk about non wedding stuff! It will be VERY hard!! But after the big day life will have moved on and it's important to have a relationship based on more than just wedding chaos. Also don't be afraid to take a little break after the wedding. You and your girls have officially been to war and survived, and the emotions of that day need to be left there. Take a moment to breathe, get back to normal and move on as friends.
