Whether she's your guardian angel or a nightmare from a JLo movie, your Mother and Mother-In-Law can have a major impact on your wedding day. Here are some tips to help you stay mom's sweet little girl after the wedding, and not have your mother-in-law see you as the girl who stole her little boy.
Your Mom: As you dream of the big day your mom is dreaming about it too. First thing to remember is this woman gave birth to you. That being said, you do not need to, nor should you try to micro manage her. Setting your expectations early on is one of the best ways to keep things pleasant. Talk to her early about what you would like them to pay for, what you would like her participation in, AND if you have the feeling she might get a little ornery, set the behavior expectations too. Again, remember that in most cases this woman raised you, and speaking to her like a child won't get you anywhere fast.
Your Mom-In-Law: WOOSA..... Say it with me WOOOOOSAAAA! Now hopefully you are a bride blessed with a mother in law that adores you and treats you like the daughter she always wanted. Similar to your mom this is an adult woman who has raised children, so treat and speak to her as such. Setting clear expectations is again the key to your success. Remembering that no matter how you feel about her, she is a direct reflection of how and why your fiance treats you like he does. She will likely want to be a part of it all, but feel like she can't ask to because you already have a mom. Include her! Explain to your mom why and what you are asking her to participate in ahead of time, and grin and bare it. In the long run your fiance will see the two most important women in his life bonding, and that will mean ALOT!
Moms to the Bride: It's her day.... NOT yours! This little girl and boy are the loves of your life, so treat them like the treasures they are. Guide and support them, but in the end... LET THEM CHOOSE!! Trust that you did a good job raising them and that they have picked the right one. Ask the bride, don't nag her, and never assume you know what she wants. Support her as best you can and when all else fails, be quiet :) This is a highly emotional time and even the smallest joke or poke can be devastating. Just as I told the bride to be clear about her expectations, so should you. Don't over promise! Not only will that disappoint, but it will also stress you out. Then you are angsty and then you blow up over ribbon color for invitations. Figure out the realistic budgets and time you have to commit to this occasion and clearly relay that to the couple.
I can't promise you'll have weekly pedicures and sleepovers after the wedding. BUT with clear communication, patience and a little understanding, you might just be a not so dis-functional family!
